Attracting Women Without Excuses - Dispelling Common Dating Myths
By: Amit Kothiyal
Submitted: 2010-04-28 01:59:32 | Word Count: 1151
There are a lot of limiting beliefs and myths that stop men from speaking to women every day. For example, "I don't know what to say", or "She is with her friends", or "I'm not dressed well enough to speak to her now". Some dating experts call these "EXCUSES", and in fact, they ARE excuses. However, I have not come across many experts who teach you what to do with these limiting thoughts apart from pushing them away or pushing through them... Well, feeling the fear and doing it anyway can be useful sometimes, but if the fear is not resolved at the core, it will most likely come back.
Therefore I am going to go through the most common "excuses", and dispel them for you once and for all. Here we go:
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"I don't know what to say"
And you don't need to! The whole myth about knowing exactly what to say, all the elaborate chat-up lines, routines, tricks and techniques are unnecessary. When you call you friends to chat, do you always plan exactly how the conversation is going to go? Hell, no! You see word generation is an unconscious function, so why not to relax and just allow your unconscious mind to come up with something. Being in the relaxed, positive state of mind is so much more important. Just be brave enough to walk up, open your mouth and let the words come out of your mouth. Whatever you say this way will sound more natural compared to rehearsed fancy lines. If you want to develop your ability to improvise, - join an Improvisation class. Obviously, practice makes perfect in everything, including attracting women.
"I quickly run out of steam if I'm not getting a positive outcome from the girl"
This presupposes that you NEED something from her to make you happy, such as her approval. I suggest you examine your intent in speaking to women. There is a bit difference between: "I need her to like me" and "I want to speak to her to see if she's fun enough for me to be with". Many guys judge the success of the interaction by how a woman responded to them, and this is so WRONG, as by doing this you are giving away your power. What if you knew that you're succeeded already when you got enough guts to speak to her? This way you take your power into your own hands. Also her negative response to you may have nothing to do with you personally - she may be having a bad day, feeling shy because her hair is not done well, or even going through PMS (Premenstrual Syndrome)!
"She's with a friend"
So what? If you were with a friend, and a gorgeous woman came up to you and wanted to speak to you for a few minute and take you phone number, would you be OK with that? The thing is: if she likes you, then nothing around her would matter: friends, guys, family. Granted, the social dynamics of interaction may be different, but it's just a matter of experience to be able to interact with groups of people. Surely, this may be more difficult sometimes, so start with speaking to women who are alone, and then gradually build up your conversational skills to speaking to groups.
"People will see me", or "My town is too small and I'll develop a reputation"
People will see you and you develop a reputation as a man who is not afraid to speak to women who he likes? Would you like people to think of you otherwise, i.e. as of a guy who is afraid to ask for what he wants? On a different note, people are too immersed into their own days, their problems, fears and issues, so they just don't care about you speak to. They may have a fleeting glance, and then forget the next minute. If anything, your friends will only respect you more for being able to act on your desires. And if they don't, maybe it's time to examine who you hang out with.
"It's pointless anyway, she will not want to speak to me"
You learn walking by falling down and then standing up. If a baby was to decide that just because he fell 10 times, there's no point in learning how to walk, then all of us would be still crawling. Quoting famous basketball player Michael Jordan: "I've missed more than 9000 shots in my career. I've lost almost 300 games. 26 times, I've been trusted to take the game winning shot and missed. I've failed over and over and over again in my life. And that is why I succeed."
"I forget moving things forward if I'm just having a nice conversation"
Well, it's all about setting the right intention again. If you're out with your mates to play football, and you're having a good chat with them on the way, will you forget to play? Of course not! So set an intention before leaving your house of what you'd like to achieve, and then relax and enjoy whatever comes to you. Trust your unconscious mind to direct you towards achieving what you want.
"It's weird to speak to women in the street"
Isn't it more weird to want to speak to them and then block yourself? It's like to go to a restaurant and then pretend you're not hungry... Seriously, if you want to succeed you'll have to step over perceived limitations ingrained in you by society.
"It's not the best place to speak to women" or "I'm not dressed well enough to speak to her"
These are two more very common limiting thoughts. And maybe it is not the best place, and may be you could have done with being dressed better, but the truth is that if you don't try you'll fail 100% of the time. If you get the courage to approach no matter what the circumstances are, you deserve a fare chance, plus your courage will be stored as confidence for the future.
"She'll think I'm a stranger"
Surely she might; that is before she speaks to you and finds out what a cool guy you are. Plus you can introduce yourself within the first minute if you want to. Sometimes I like to pre-frame my interactions with women by saying: "This may sound pretty random, and I know I'm a complete stranger to you, but I wanted to..." This way you take this objection away from her.
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